“20 minutes of action”

The Stanford rapist’s dad describes him raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster “20 minutes of action.” He called it action instead of calling it rape, but we all know what it was. The FBI defines rape as “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” So why Brock Allen Turner is receiving only 6 months in prion – 3 with good behavior – is beyond me. 

But this isn’t so much about him as it is about her. I feel for this woman so badly because I was this woman. I went to a house party. I drank too much. I had a man force himself on to me because apparently – men don’t know how to conduct themselves in the presence of alcohol and women. I can’t imagine waking up and being told about my rape. I can’t imagine 20 minutes of rape. My rapist locked me in a room and forced me to a bed. He inserted himself in me as a drunkenly tried my best to push him off of me. I cried no over and over again. I told him to stop. My rapist was interrupted after 5 minutes. He scurried off never to be seen again. Probably never thinking of his actions again. I was left thinking about his actions every day. After he left my friends tucked me into bed. They stroked my hair and told me it’s okay. They held me and let me cry until I fell asleep. I was sore. My throat hurt my screaming at him. My vagina was sore. My eyes were raw and puffy. My nose hurt from wiping it with my shirt. My rapist disappeared so fast that he would never see justice. 

But here’s the difference in our rapists – he was a black man. He had dreads. He went to Fort Valley State University. He would have been convicted the full 14 years had I been able to report him. Had he been caught he would still be in prison today. There would be no concern about the impact on his life – which there shouldn’t be anyway. Brock turner – the rapist – should have gotten 14 years. I don’t care about his swim accomplishments or his Stanford education or his Olympic dreams. He is a rapist. Call a spade a spade. He is not a college freshman anymore. Not a collegiate swimmer. He is a rapist who will have his life impacted in such a minuscule way. It completely pales in comparison to the horror this woman will feel living inside her own body. 

When I was raped I spent years being angry with my own body. I was mad at my thighs for not being strong enough to keep him out. I was upset that my drunken arms weren’t powerful enough to push him off. I was disappointed in myself for crying – for letting this monster see my vulnerable and weak. Rape survivors spend so much time hating themselves. They spend so much time trying to find ways to crawl outside of themselves – trying to find a way to not be them anymore. Rape survivors spend so much time wondering why. Asking themselves if it’s their fault. You start to blame yourself. You tell yourself if you hadn’t been drunk it wouldn’t have happened. If you had just stayed home you would be okay now. If you wore something different. If you hadn’t danced. If you hadn’t been alone. If. If. If. 

But the cause of rape has been and always will be rapists. By FBI definition, Brock Turner should be in prison for that full 14 years. Brock Turner, the rapist, knew better than to have sex with an unconscious woman. He can claim party culture and he can blame peer pressure, but you are the one who raped someone. There is no excuse for that. 

To the victim – I am sorry. I am sorry that this sorry ass father and this sorry ass judge and this sorry ass system has failed you so miserably. I can only pray that you find solace and comfort in your body once again. I can only pray that you can feel safe in your body once again. I resonated with the line in your letter that said “I don’t know you, but you have been inside me.” I did not know my rapist either. 

Don’t ever tell me that rape culture isn’t real when strangers can rape unconscious strangers and be able to go home in three months. Don’t tell me rape culture isn’t real when things like this are happening right now. In 2016. 

Rape culture is real.